when love and hate collide

some of us treat friends better than family members. and why is that? with friends, u have a reputation to live up to and with family members, no matter what u do, 'air dicincang takkan putus', is that it? why the double standard? it's not ok for u to hurt ur friends' feelings but is it ok to hurt the feelings of ur family?
sometimes i question this myself...
yesterday, i did a free favor for dad; sent his car for car-wash. there was only one bench that can sit 4 ppl the most. there were 3 guys sitting without guilt, conquering the whole bench without even a slight glance at me, the pregnant one. the weather was so hot but i didnt complain. these are among the things that makes me nag about our ppl's self-centeredness. why the ignorance on their part? who do we blame? their parents? teachers? or perhaps the man in the mirror?

monday blues

early in the morning, went to immigration dept at subang airport to pick up our passports. i've been delaying it for 2 weeks. not that i had a hectic schedule, it's juz that i've been thru a hell of a time when i applied for it. i thot renewal was so easy and fast but apparently, they changed the system. renewal is the same like applying a new one. there was no guideline on what should have been done. i queued up for 1/2 an hour only to be told that i have to purchase the rm1.00 form first. so, i queued up in another line juz to purchase the form. next, queued up again to photocopy my ic and another line to take photos. this, i had to do it with my little sleepy little girl in tow. after form, ic and photos, they made u queue up again to pick ur number. then only u're free to roam around or to have bfast at least at a nearby cafe. when ur number is called, pass them the form + photo + ic and "pls wait again until we call u to make payment."
i'm still amazed until now...why cant they juz renew our passports using our thumbprints? i thot our passports are sophisticated enuf. i pity the old folks and my heart goes out esp to parents with small children in tow. i'm lucky that my little girl are big enuf to walk around but what about those infants? u hafta carry them, feed them and at the same time u hafta fill up the form and keep on queuing up?

happy birthday to me

the first card i received was from hubby. it was such a sweet, sweet gesture coz he put it on my dressing table b4 i went to sleep. he knew i would have to put on my night cream. though he didnt give me anything (yet...), the wordings was enuf for me. and mini-me still thot it's her bday. poor girl...
lunch at mum's place coz i requested for soto. yum, yum!! they sang for me but mini-me conquered everything from blowing the candles to cutting the cake. on my way to mum's place, i passed by my ex-neighbour's house. they were throwing a big bday party for their 9-yr-old. i was supposed to go but i declined politely coz i know i wouldnt be able to fit in. they are a different kind of breed and i had the experience of being in the circle and not liking it at all. no doubt they are nice bunch of ppl but i'd rather not experience the 'out of place' feeling all over again.
only one good friend wished me thru sms. i guess the rest are too bz too remember...
happy bday to me.

nap'ster' day

good glorious saturday...cleaned up d house, washed my car with the help of mini-me. but it rained in the afternoon. sigh. had lunch at mum's place. i was so hungry i had twice the amount of the usual intake. consuming a plate full of cekodok pisang after having a heavy meal proved to be a very bad move. i cant sit comfortably in any position and helping my daughter to solve a puzzle didnt help either.
tomorrow i'll be 30. wonder what the cake would look like since i've been taking the informal role of buying cakes for everybody when it comes to their bday. dad made a statement last year that there will be no more gifts coz all of us are grown-ups now. sob, sob... :)
last nite hubby came back late and our daughter juz cant help it but to doze off earlier. i was craving for durian last nite and so, so delighted to see that hubby came up to the room with durians. the first bite was undescribable. i think i need another round of durians tonite.
no one could say no to a pregnant lady, could they??

when staring is a crime

yesterday after work, hubby decided to drop by and have a drink with me. it was a pleasant surprise coz i was thinking of having a drink by myself due to some delicious-looking pictures in 'her world' mag. (read : choc frappucino). i was waiting for hubby in front of starbucks when i noticed that there was this one female with her male companion, looking at me and started giggling. i was puzzled as to why would they want to have a laugh at me? i looked away and i looked again. the girl was still giggling. what's ur problem miss? only then i realised that she was one of the LOW-CLASS DANGDUT SINGERS in malaysia and probably she thot that ppl would recognise her but seriously, who would want to acknowledge such person? we live in a society where we dont give a shit about each other especially when it comes to strangers. havent u realised? we dont even smile to strangers. try going to any shopping complexes in the city and u'll find that ppl are so self-centered and selfish. they dont give way to older ppl anymore. as for me who always bring my daughter along everywhere i go, i noticed that ppl would juz brushed us off when they go against our direction. that's how they behave nowadays. sad, isnt it? but since we cant change the minds of these ppl, we have no choice but to be...juz...like...them.
and to that 'nobody-even-bothers-to listen-to-the-sound-of-low-class-dangdut-songs' singer, go back to where u belong. i never look up to these malaysian artistes, what more with drug cases surrounding these ppl nowadays. i am mean when ppl are mean to me, whether u like it or not.

bla, bla, bla

couldnt think of what to write today, but definitely know now that i have loyal followers. :) mum had to go for facial this morning so, she sent my daughter to my office coz i dont really trust d maid to babysit her all by herself. this maid is much better than the previous one but u cant juz be too confortable. luckily, i work in an industry where i can bring whomever i want to the office and stay as long as they wish. and as usual, my daughter requested to surf barbie.com. i knew it was coming but seriously, i'm getting tired of barbie. the good thing about it is that at her age rite now, she knows how to switch on the pc, surf the website of barbie.com and plays all the games. she herself knew that she's soo good at it and definitely doing much better than 'atuk' who isnt IT savvy at all. kids nowadays have a mind of their own.
for the first time ever in my entire life, i didnt like what my mum cooked for us today. according to her, it was a combination of chicken porridge which i like very much and chicken rice. she 'tapau'ed it for me and i was looking forward to it coz i was so hungry but the moment i swallowed it, i knew i wont be able to finish it. i tried feeding my picky-eater daughter by saying 'erm, sedapnya...' but i knew she was in the same league when she said 'apa teruk rasa ni...'
hahaha, poor mum, i hope she wont get mad when she reads this.

tribute to a friend

how far do u measure yourself? this is a question we shouldnt be asking ourselves too often. ive realised nowadays ppl are too materialistic, too impatient, too kiasu and all these can lead to major self-destruction if we were not able to achieve what we wanted. i dont compare myself with others coz i know there are millions of less fortunate ppl out there. i dont earn a 5-figure salary and i dont even have a steady income. whatever i get is all commission-based. sometimes i have a penchant for things i couldnt afford but what guarantee do i have that it will make me feel better if i ever get it? some of my ex-schoolmates are successful in their own way but so what? does it mean that i'm less of a human? i dont think so. some may have to work hard to get where they are rite now but some are juz plain lucky to be able to inherit a sum of money from their parents. but are they happy with what they have? i dont think so coz these ppl will compare themselves with others who are more fortunate than them and they might feel depressed for not being able to get more!
i 'm more than happy with what i have rite now. a husband who loves me despite my lack of cooking skills or none at all, a mother whom until now cooks for me, a fierce father who has been soften down by the existence of the only grandchild, a successful and ever-serious younger sister, a younger brother whom we thot will never ever be where he is rite now. and not forgotten, my lovely 'cant-live-without' daughter. sometimes i feel sad for not being able to give my parents loads of money when i know i should. how can we repay for what they have done for us? we cant even name the figure coz it's priceless. and i dont think they want our money. all they want is for us not to forget and abandon them when they get older. they may be demanding at times but do u hafta compain? they didnt complain when u wanted sthing from them.
we have been living in this comparing culture for years and it will never stop. we have to keep reminding ourselves that money cant buy happiness. my mum was really sick for 6 whole months last year and i'm sure a million ringgit in her bank account will never make her happy. that's what she told me. and for those who actually watched her sick and not being able to lessen the pain, felt even worse. it was a period where God was testing all of us. mental anguish, emotional torture, u name it. but now she has fully recovered and all of us have learned something from those depressing episodes.....and i'm juz glad that she's still here with us...

one year anniversary

last year, we went to an overseas trip. me, dad, mum, sis and daughter. hubby couldnt go due to work-commitment. it was a 13-hr flight. my daughter behaved so well and didnt throw any tantrums at all (that was my biggest fear.) arrived safely and the first thing that greeted us was snow. it was a memorable sight that i couldnt forget until now. due to expensive currency exchange, all of us stayed in a very, very small room which had only 2 single beds. since my sis had her own place, i slept at her slightly bigger room every night. i enjoyed the walking while sipping hot chocolate. i think we had the nicest time. i cut short my trip coz missing hubby too much. came back only with my daughter. i made a vow to come again but this time, i'll make sure i'll bring hubby along.

leisurely sunday

had nasi lemak at kg baru. it wasnt as nice as i expected it to be. spent whole evening at in-laws place. my daughter had a good time of playing with other kid's toys but please, dont touch HER toys. yup, she's that possessive. wonder who she got that trait from?
hubby mentioned something interesting while we were having cendol. if we live somewhere near in-laws' area , we wont have as much desire as we have rite now bout cars. me and hubby are car enthusiasts. i had small interest but after being married to him for almost 7 yrs, the interest got deeper. E60s, lexus is and gs and maseratis are a common sight. well, we all have our own dream cars. as for me, i dont need a list of my favourites coz it's all in my head. speaking bout cars, i used to work at a finance company and most car dealers, believe me when i said they didnt know what they were selling. it was shocking when most of them pronounced peugeot as 'pijot' and when i mentioned 'alteeza', they said 'oh, altis...'. these ppl should be one step ahead!! to all out there, do not trust this type of car dealers when u want to make that important purchase. some are really good but some just wanna make sales...
what's ur dream car by the way?

rainy saturday

didnt wash car as planned coz hubby decided to have an english bfast. maybe he's tired of having nasi lemak. we had a really BIG bfast. i guess hubby was really full coz he only asked about lunch around 6.00pm. today was juz another lazy saturday plus, it started to rain at noon and it lasted until 6.00pm. love it when it rains...esp the smell after it stops raining.
called mum coz she's away to visit my grandmother. she promised me some juicy gossips when she gets home tomorrow. ooh, i cant wait. sometimes we need a dose of it juz to make ourselves feel better or perhaps worse...?

i dropped by at mum's place to pick up lunch and on my way down, i saw an old lady whom my mum befriended lately. according to mum, she's 75 yrs old and lives alone. she has 4 sons but all of them reside outside our beautiful country. can u imagine YOUR mum living by herself at that age? i feel sad until now juz thinking bout the old lady. every morning, she will wait for my mum at one of the benches. and she told my mum bout her biggest fear. not death but dying alone without anybody realising that she ever exists.....

thank god it's friday

ok, made plans with my daughter for tomorrow. first, to wake up very, very late, then have bfast and our usual mum-kid routine; washing the car. she is always ever-willing to help me. i would even change her into her 'official' attire which is small tee and underpants. basically, she knows what to do and she will never fail to wash her bicycle. since mum will be away for the whole weekend, that means i gotta find my own food. hubby works tomorrow but he'll be off on sunday. i'm not fussy when it comes to eating so, i think a trip to mcd or burger king will make my 4-yr-old happy. i wish i could have friends over for lunch but since i have very limited contacts, my chance is very slim. plus, they would have made plans of their own.
i juz remembered bout something that happened yesterday after i got back from work. i was craving for cekodok ikan bilis and i uttered the word 'cekodok' in front of mum when i got into the shower. next thing i knew, there it was, a plate of cekodok ikan bilis with generous bawang right in the middle of the dining table. it was a very cold and windy evening when i ate the whole plate.
things that mothers do for their kids......................................

classic malaysian drivers

i accidentally woke up late this morning. usually, i'll be up by 6.30am and straight to mum's place along with my daughter. u may wonder why do i wake up so early since mum's place is soooooo nearby. u see, it takes only 5 minutes to get to mum's place actually but the traffic jam that builds up along the route is a major headache. for instance, this morning, i closed my gate at 8.00 sharp and the 5km journey took about 40 minutes. it is due to some whose mind are very, very narrow that they think they have the right to cut queue of those who have been patiently following the simple rules. i never give way to those morons. though i managed to deter some from cutting my queue this morning, (u gotta have the skill to do that...) i've slipped one and it was very frustrating to see that one moron got away.

what's in ur phone?

i juz finished lunch with mum and kid. now back at my office, wondering what to do next since i'm soooooooo free. so, decided to look into my handphone and see whether is there anyone that i can chat-up with. i've juz realised that my 'contacts' are full with bank and credit card numbers instead of numbers of real ppl. is it only me? i only have 2 colleague numbers and i even have my own office numbers stored in my phone. ex-schoolmates' numbers? err, bout 5 and the rest of the slots are taken up by not only my account numbers, but also my mum, dad, sis and hubby's bank account numbers.

it's raining cats and dogs outside and i heard many ppl were stranded here and there yesterday. i guess if the rain continues for another 3 hrs, those ppl will face the same situation again. i had one very, very bad experience regarding non-stop rain. it happened last year during the fasting month. i was at my former office and usually i can reach home by 5.30pm. i was only 100 metres away from home when i saw the flood. no cars could pass. so, i parked my car and took out an umbrella coz i thot i could walk and pick-up the car later. halfway thru, those mat rempits shouted at me, 'nak berenang ke kak oi...' there goes my walking plan. to cut the story short, i was stranded there until 10.00pm and remember, it was fasting month...i have no food and drinks to break fast with but one lady wanted to borrow my phone and in return, she shared with me her curry puff. what an experience...

when love only is not enuf

i've been staying at my office longer than usual. sometimes i do enjoy going to work but after being so attached to my 4-yr-old, i kinda miss her. she's only 5 mins away but not being able to be around her 24 hrs makes me like i'm losing something. i like talking to her and since she doesnt have any friends her age, she talks like adults. hubby even named her 'mini-mummy'. i do get jealous everytime she goes after my mum. my mum never scolded her for anything she does (funny coz i dont remember my mum being so 'nice' when i was growing up). i'm like other mothers where i would scold her for being naughty or for not listening to me. the usual thing she would do is to call up for 'makkk!!' and said, 'mummy marah...'. that's when it hurts d most coz i'm trying to instill good values and yet at d same time, i feel guilty for scolding her. but last nite, when we were strolling, i told her that it's ok if mummy and daddy get angry at her once in a while. and i told her the reason why. and this morning, when i thot she would forget bout last nite, i asked her again. finally, she said, 'sebab mummy sayang lah...........'
isnt she adorable?

to hate or not to hate

have u ever hated somebody all of a sudden esp at ur workplace that u refused to even look at that person? well, it is happening to me rite now. i always find this one particular person at my workplace as someone who is two-faced (talam 2 muka or maybe 10 muka). this person can be smiling at u everytime he/she sees u but behind ur back, he/she might say something bad bout u. i dont have proof but i juz know. me and this person had a kinda bad history. let's call this person TF. i knew TF from my last workplace. ive moved to a better place now due to shorter travelling time and u could say another reason was for me to get away from certain ppl at my old place and that includes TF. and guess what? he joined my new workplace 3 months after i did. one thing bout me that ppl should know is that if i dont like somebody, it shows on my face. i'm not like some who can still mingle with whom they dislike and let bygones be bygones.
my mum would tell me; 'tak baik benci org' but i cant help it. it's in my genes. (ada sesiapa terasa...? hehe) i admit i dont have many friends. but the ones that i have rite now are the ones i treasure the most. and i hope it stays that way forever...

valentine anyone?

i totally forgot today is valentine's day. i dont celebrate it due to religious reason plus me n hubby are not that 'mushy-mushy' type. but some memories juz flashed b4 my eyes. during our secondary school days, i remember that val's day was a BIG thing. i went to a boarding school, so everbody will receive either flowers or candies or chocolates (a luxury during that time) from their 'toengs' or 'cobwebs'. ultra-famous ppl will receive quite a bunch. gosh, funny how we even thought that it was cool to have toengs. hahaha. lawak, lawak...
i cant really remember whether 'was i among the ultra-famous?' but i dont think so. i was quite notorious and ppl knew me for all d wrong reasons. like one of my friend pointed out recently, i was famous for the reluctance of wearing camisoles. (it was bloody hot wearing d baju kurung ok)
back to my story, sometimes we even received song dedications and let me juz tell u, the songs were,masya-Allah ...jiwang gila. hahahahaha. among the famous songs were Right Here Waiting by richard marx and Superwoman by karen white and during the song dedications, some would get around and screamed if songs were dedicated to them. horror, kan? i know!!

and another story that always put a big grin on my face was recently when me and again, the whole weird bunch were 'ppl-watching' at one kopitiam place. my strictly beloved would comment on every single person who walked passed our table and most of the comments were not so nice to the ear. but the rest of us enjoyed every bit of it except for my sis coz she always have this 'everbody is nice' perception towards everybody. that's how i see her. it's good that she has a good heart though we used to not get along when we were small. at the end of d endless nasty comments, my 4-yr-old suddenly said, 'sapelah yg becok sgt ni...' and everybody was quiet..........................................

to ponder...

u know what? i was swimming with my kid when i relised that some people actually do drive expensive cars but i always see them in the morning. thus, it makes me lead to an assumption that these ppl dont work. to be precised, there's this one "mamat" at my mum's place, (they dont call me 'minah skodeng' for nothing) whom i always see roaming around clad only in jeans and t-shirt, be it day or night. everybody at my mum's place knew his sister coz she married a very prominent figure. so, apparently, after d sista got married, all of a sudden dis guy is driving a very nice E46. (i'm describing it as nice coz hubby thot me how to appreciate nice E46s)

back to my story, i always bumped into dis guy and trust me, from d body language and all, dis guy has dis"inferiority complex" written all over his face. i admit that i judge ppl but who doesnt? but like i said earlier, his behaviour leads me to make an assumption.

what a blogger...

told a very good friend of mine bout my blog, i can tell she 'enjoyed' it very much from her laughter over the phone while asking me d question, "U?" err, thanks friend... :)
i'm at mum's place, trying to concentrate on what to write while my 4-yr-old keeps singing "God-knows-what". i think it's a combination of madonna's hung-up and mary had a little lamb. and she is actually singing her lungs out in front of the tv while my mum is trying to concentrate watching the tv of course. come to think of it, i remember when i was very, very young, i have to whisper if i wanted to say sthing to my sister if we were in front of the tv. but today, the grandchild can do anything she desires. believe me when i say dis, "ANYTHING"...(what the..........) she could get away with murder, trust me.

once upon a time

went for bird-watching on saturday with d entire bunch. beloved 4-yr-old refused to go home. she loved flamingoes coz they're pink. (who doesnt love pink?) had a good time coz it was spontaneous. the only thing that spoilt d mood was the entry charges. though i shouldnt mind, my sis paid for it nway. well, since i can write anything, i guess i'll be writing more often.
chiow for now.