to UDIN

i've been so sleepy lately. i come to work at 9, look at my screen for a while, then i sleep. half an hour later, i woke up coz my phone was ringing, update a few things to my client, then i go back to sleep again. woke up again, tried reading readers' digest, havent even finished the second page, then i dozed off again. and it was not even lunch time yet. i'm due in 3 weeks' time. i guess, that's why i get so sleepy and tired all the time. and rania is getting more 'manja' and 'mengada' each day. somehow she knows the baby will arrive soon. she likes to say things to indicate that she doesnt care about the baby. for instance, she wont allow me to eat so that 'biar baby lapar' and sometimes she will pinch my tummy (biar baby sakit). she is so used of being the center of attention and the baby's arrival might jeopardise her position as always being the favourite among us.
to my brother who's having his exam rite now, good luck in all papers. hope u do well and do come back soon...semua org dah rindu esp mama and dobot. hehe. angah rindu sebab takde org dia nak suruh...

post-party

rania's bday party was a pleasant one. the kids enjoyed themselves and some actually do enjoy watching the kids having the time of their lives. obviously, the big kids tend to win in all games and rania's best performance was when she got 2nd place in musical chairs. she hardly moves and the organizer needs to 'move' her in order not to break the chain. she received a lot of books as presents and there was this one huge, huge box which i think she knew what it was coz on top of that big box was one unwrapped 'barbie's pink convertible' and i saw she kept glancing at the box every 10 minutes. she has always wanted that convertible but i never entertained her request. and now finally, she got it and what a relief she must have felt!
the only thing that upsets me was the cake. many complained that it wasnt as good as last year's. the decoration was done impressively nice but the taste was not so good. what a big dissappointment to me coz i really wanted ppl to enjoy the cake. in the end, a big portion still left and i persuaded my uncle to bring it home. all in all, it was a memorable one for rania (i hope so...) and a nice one for me coz i gotta catch up on my friends. thank u for coming and thank u for making it merrier with ur presence.
rania obviously cant wait to go home coz she needs to unwrap all those presents fast! but she fell asleep in the car and by the time she woke up, we were ready to go out for dinner. u should see that she was so, so restless during dinner. she juz cant wait to go home! imagine all those presents lying, waiting to be unwrapped. we let her play until 1 in the morning. and the next day, i cant believe that she was still so full of enthusiasm when she woke me up at 7.00 (on a sunday!) and said, 'semalam janji lepas bangun terus turun bawah kan...' honestly, i never made such promises! rania, rania.........

rania's party...tomorrow!

hubby juz got a new 'mat salleh' deputy. so, every nite after he got back from work, i would ask him about his new deputy. i find it very funny coz i thot he would want to work with a british company instead of japanese. hubby likes to make fun of him everytime he updates me on his progress. not in a bad way but in a pity way, actually. according to hubby, the brit guy has only 5 shirts and yesterday, he was asking when he'll get his salary. when hubby enquired, he said he needs to buy more shirts. awwww.....worth shedding a tear? quite sad, dont u think? i mean, u cant expect much if u work in a japanese firm. they pay peanuts but still some stay loyal. but i always like the japanese ppl coz they're so well-mannered!
tomorrow is rania's birthday. she's been asking me for a week, when is the party, when is the party? mum is more excited than i am. she bought rania a birthday gear(so typical of mum) and rania is so excited that every 5 minutes, she'll peek into mum's cupboard to make sure the birthday dress is still intact! last week, mum was in jb so for 3 days she cant keep an eye on her dress. my sister called and rania asked her, 'aunty pakai tak dress rania?' when my sister anwered in the negative, she was so relieved that she kept telling me, 'mummy, aunty baikla...' hhmmm, budak2 zaman sekarang....

freaky sneaky

i'm not a stingy person at all, seriously but when it comes to some ppl who used to be stingy with me, i'll do the same. a collegue of mine juz came to my room and wanted to borrow a research book. the info that he wanted was not in the book so he was looking for another book. i have the other book actually but i juz kept quiet about it. it was hidden under all my files and u know what? he saw it and he took it out, juz like that. he brought it out to do some photocopying. it amazed me how he got to know that i have the book in the first place. i've had some very uncomfortable experience with this person. the info that he gets, he'll never share it with me. i'm not the 'thick-skin and ask' type. he'll only share it with ppl from his race. it was annoying but there was nothing i can do. so now, when i'm sharing a room with a much nicer person, i enjoy every moment of not having him around sneaking on me. i always find this guy sneaky. i can never, never trust him no matter what the situations are. this type of ppl is hazardous, i tell u...

reminiscing old memories

i dont know that many ppl in my office but what i know is that as long as i dont disturb anybody or have any grudges against anybody, i'll be fine. i will only greet those whom i know and whom i like. during my secondary school days, i wasnt among the most-liked ppl. i was used of being boycotted by my own peers. dont waste time mentioning about seniors coz they never have liked me. i went to a boarding school so for 5 miserable years, i suffered in silence. that's the place where i learned how to survive as a loner. it was a heartbreaking experience but i persevered. i've been backstabbed many times but the number 1 'backstabbing experience' i've encountered was when i was in my final year. a good friend whom i trusted very much ended up being my number 1 enemy. she scrawled bad things and labelled me with such an obscene name all over the school toilet. i cant remember who actually revealed to me that the person on the wall was me but i remembered crying in shock and wondering how could she ever done this to me. i confronted her and she was so cool about it, acting like it wasnt even a sinful thing to do. until the end, she never showed that she was remorseful of what she's done and that was when i started asking myself, what was it with me that ppl tend to dislike me so very much. was it my face? was it my attitude? i couldnt figure it out. i didnt have any ill-feeling towards her but i remembered praying very hard, asking God to punish whomever made me feel so vulnerable. time passed by and 6 years later, i heard that she wasnt doing very well. i dont know whether she completed her studies or not but she stayed at her hometown, doing nothing. and from where we came from, holding good jobs are a must to some. and until now, some still told me her ongoings but i dont care anymore. what i know is that i'm doing fine while she's not. i'm not being cruel or nasty but there's no way ppl would understand what i've been thru unless they went thru the same thing i did.
it's the same thing when i did my diploma but i was already an expert in mantaining my poker-face. a bunch of seniors hated me so much that they tried to do all sorts of unimaginable things juz to watch me shedding a tear. again, i didnt hold any grudges. what's the point? no one will back me up, nway. i was a loner and to them i was juz one weird kid. when i did my degree, i heard that the most brutal one in the gang was killed in a car accident.
along the way, my confidence was built-up by being a loner. believing in God definitely helps me in a tremendous way. this is to a friend of mine who never fails to pick up my calls no matter who i was and what i have become today. u know who u are...

gloomy days ahead

so many things on my mind but i dont know what to write. on saturday, a friend came over to my house. havent seen her for almost a year so, it was a good catch up on gossips. she juz got married. i thot the husband will drop her and go but the husband actually wanted to stay. it was awkward coz he could hear everything we talked about and frankly speaking, we couldnt be ourselves. we gotta act a bit decent, u know what i mean. i was craving for putu mayam but the usual indian guy wasnt at his usual place. so, i settled for some keropok lekor, goreng pisang, karipap and apam balik.
did some house cleaning on sunday, as usual. basuh baju 3 bakul. up until now, i havent fold it yet. not that i was bz but i was juz tired and since rania slept very early last night, like 7.00pm, i took the opportunity to juz do my things. read a book and watch dvd. by the way, i watched munich with hubby and it was good. it wont be available in our local cinema so, go get a dvd. to tell u the truth, i'm a sucker for gold class at gsc but when mum told me that it costs rm40 per person now, i think i'll pass. i could buy 4 dvds with that same amount of money. and if i were to go with hubby, i could buy 8.
market is very bad today. i went out to have some breakfast for a while and got scolded by a client for not being around when he wanted to sell. i feel bad...

sushi anyone?

last night when i got home, i thot i could gather rania's old clothing so that i dont have to waste on buying new ones. then i realised that i cant use any coz everything is pink in colour. not only that, it has ruffles on most of them and since the second one is going to be a boy, i dont think it is appropriate to dress him up with pink ruffles. so, today, i had some minor shopping. i think 7 pairs are enuf. had lunch with hubby at...guess where? unbelievably, a japanese restaurant. and it was i who wanted to go so badly. all of a sudden, seeing sushi was like seeing moist chocolate cake during fasting month. hubby agreed and i kept repeating they served very good food. i thot the moment i was full, i would be back to my normal hate-japanese-food self but i know i would go there again next week. funny what all these cravings can do to u.
mum in jb, no plans for the weekend, guess i'll juz clean up the house (again) and jalan2 with my daughter. have a good weekend everyone.

craving for japanese

mum brought rania to go and watch the da vinci code today. according to mum, it was packed and it was only 11.30 in the morning. the manager came and politely asked my mum to leave coz it is rated 18PL. well, luckily, the manager agreed to refund everything including drinks. rania was so upset coz she really likes to sit back and have her popcorn by herself.
i had carbonara for lunch. i wanted to eat japanese all of a sudden but i was kinda ashamed to go inside by myself. i never liked japanese food anyway. the craving came all of a sudden. i wonder why.
nothing much happening today. i really look forward to this weekend coz i juz wanna rest and do nothing. i get tired all the time due to waking up early every morning and not being able to sleep most nights. oh, another day to go...

a hungry woman is an angry woman

i had lunch with a colleague who is so 'lembeb'. we decided to go to the bank first coz i needed to withdraw money and she needed to pay her car instalment. i'm still amazed with some who refused to use online banking. and the service was so slow that it started to get into my nerves. so, we had lunch at kenny rogers and it was such a simple menu that i dont know why it took her such a long time to order. she juz stared at the menu. and so i ordered on her behalf. still, she cant decide what to have for her last side dish and what about the drinks? she kept on asking this and that and finally, she ordered...coke. i was so bloody hungry that i thot i wanted to juz snap at her! it's not like we're in a restaurant that serves gourmet food. gosh!

generally speaking...

i went for my routine check-up again this morning. it seems that the baby's head is already at the right place and is unlikely to change. i was starting to get nervous when the doctor gave me a letter juz in case of emergency. well, let's juz hope and pray for the best.
lately, i 'm not in a very-good-mood. i get tired easily. i feel weak but i dont want ppl to perceive me as weak. i could still drive but not long-distance, pls. yesterday, i was rambling on being confortable in our own zone. i get irritated when my comfort zone is being disturbed. sometimes, i feel that i portray myself as being too independent and now it's eating on me. ppl expect u to mantain that way all the time despite of your physical inabilities. how could u say no when u're so used of nodding? my action is an impact of what i think and saw. my words may be a bit harsh but i dont feel sorry for feeling that way. i believe in 'an eye for an eye'. i could still remember some 'dark' episodes. when u're in need, nobody bothers so why should i bother now? i learn not to expect too much from ppl. that way, i dont have to keep asking myself 'why?'. dad once snapped at somebody. she kept babbling why some didnt attend her daughter's wedding. the answer : dont ask why ppl didnt come. instead, ask what have u done that made ppl reluctant to come. i grew up in different sets of surrounding. i do have nasty comments of my own. sometimes i said it out loud, sometimes i keep it to myself. i hate pretenders thus, i hate pretending. it gets into my nerves when some dont walk the talk.
to quote dad, 'tak boleh pakai semua ni...'
up to u to make ur own conclusion.

isnt it funny?

i am such a difficult person to be dealt with. it runs in the family. err, except my mum, i guess. she's always the friendly one. frankly speaking, other than my roomie, i dont talk to anybody else at my office. eversince i moved to this new place, things got worse when it comes to communicating with others. at least, when i was in PB, i find the ppl there, friendlier. when ppl keep saying hi to you, it's a shame not to do the same, rite? but this current place is a bit different. i'm ok with not having to say hi or bye or even smile to anybody but today, i'm in a bit of a 'merrier' mood so, i did say hi and made small talk to few ppl. but u know what? u could feel the coldness that the other person is trying to tell u. their faces were like, "hey miss, dont waste ur time making small talk lah.." it bothered me a few seconds but then i relised not to bother too much coz i always remember what my mum always told me, 'biar org buat kita, jgn kita buat orang...' so, i'm back to square one. why bother? but my conscience advised me otherwise. if everyone of us have the same mentality, what would happen? we know it's not good but why most of us stay the way we are? we have become a selfish lot that is filled with greed and emotionless. are we really confortable with what being labelled by others?
and i'm one of them. as long as nobody drags me out of my confort zone, i cant be bothered.

a cleaner house makes me happy

i'm starting to clean-up the house in time for the arrival of my baby. so far, i've only washed the sofa fabric. i'm proud to say that after 5 years, my sofa still looks like brand-new. and it's white in colour, mind you. i managed to put aside things that i'll be needing when i'm in the hospital later. i'm supposed to 'korek' rania's old clothing and need to wash it before the baby comes but i havent got the time. and yeah, another thing that needs to be done is to 'cuci kipas'. hehe.
rania really enjoyed when i'm at home and she thot that everytime i'm not at the office, i would bring her to bird park...again. not so soon, dear...it was bloody hot the last time we went, i juz cant take the heat.
over the weekend, i tried to watch brokeback mountain. gosh! it was boring like mad! no wonder it didnt get the oscar for best picture. the movie will not be shown in our local cinemas and so is transamerica. but i got hold of the dvds. me and hubby are big fans of pirated dvds. i dont care about those anti-piracy campaign thingy. we have our favorite place. we've been everywhere else but nothing compares to this one particular place in hartamas. the quality, the service...everything is juz excellent.
my brother called and my mum has been persuading him to come back but the 'banker' says 'no'. what to do, follow the 'banker' loh...hehe.

happy wesak everyone

tomorrow is wesak day. i dont know anything about it but all i know is that tomorrow is a holiday. and i'm looking forward to it intensely coz i havent got enuf sleep lately. 3 days with my little girl is all i care. i've booked a place for her bday party. i've made sure i've selected the right games for the kids. no clowns involved coz some kids are afraid of them. my girl's first encounter with a clown was a nightmare! me and mum were at this one bazaar and there was this one annoying clown who scared my little girl to death. until now, if we wanted to go to the same bazaar, she would asked, "tempat yg ada clown tu?"
i've sent some invitations thru sms. i'm really hoping that all invited could make it to the party. it will be fun to watch the kids and as for me, i'm looking forward to some girl-bonding with my friends. though frankly speaking, i'm more concerned on what to wear that day since i'll be 8 months' preggie by then. i have this paranoia regarding what some might think of how i look. DONT WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY? i like commenting on ppl but i always do it discreetly. hubby sometimes refused to participate. sob, sob...
last night, we had dinner at chilis, and there was this one ordinary malay couple. they didnt stand out like some couples but what i noticed the most was the girl's boobies. seriously, this girl was small in size but she was wearing a low-cut blouse that shouts attention, man....
i told hubby about it and forced him to check it out but he refused. sigh...
sometimes it's fun to watch ppl and make some nasty comments. if there's a contest on who could give the nastiest and most cruel comments, i think my DAD will win, hands down...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i'm so sleepy. i used to take a nap at my office but lately, i'm a bit embarassed coz i snore. i have a very pleasant roommate and although she never mentioned anything about my snoring, i'm sure she must have brought it up among her lunch mates. according to hubby, my snoring is very loud. i dont even know when does it started. it worries me sometimes but i always get some consolation from my daughter. she said i sleep 'like a princess' which is juz like her. how sweet...
i renewed my driver's license today. i didnt even realised that it was already 3 months expired. after not having to go to the banks for so long, thanks to online banking, i was quite reluctant to go to the post office to renew. it was a long disastrous wait and they only have 2 staff to man the counters. one of them apparently went to have breakfast. after a while, the one having breakfast came back and it was the other's turn to have late breakfast / early lunch. there was this one mat salleh who was seated next to me and he kept sighing every 5 minutes. i felt a bit embarassed coz i'm sure he was thinking of the inefficiencies and laziness that the malays potray. geez...
my mum is watching MI3 with my daughter rite now. what a good life she's having eh? not having to worry about anything is one's ultimate achievement. i dont know about others but to me, yeah, definitely. no financial worries (especially!) and no health problems. having reliable circle of friends are a bonus...

saturday was another miserable day. i had to attend another course to complete my points in order to renew my license. it was the same speaker. though he was interesting and didnt bore me to death, the topic was something else. by morning break, i decided to skip the talk and lucky for me, i could juz walk across to IJN and visit my grandma who was hospitalised. at least, i wouldnt fall asleep. a few relatives came and time passed by with chit-chatting and trying to cheer my grandma up. by 3.30pm, the talk was over and it was such a big relief coz i dont have to attend another course till next year. phew!
on sunday, we went to bird park. my daughter insisted that we bring her again coz obviously, she loves flamingoes the most. the first thing that greeted us were peacocks. next, we proceeded to flamingoes and we were there for quite a while until i decided to go to the loo. while hubby attended rania, she quietly asked hubby to 'juz leave mummy' and 'let's go and watch flamingoes again'. she's so obsessed with flamingoes!!
it was a fun sunday, alrite...

the marriage counsellor

i have a friend who's having marital problems. she's a good friend of mine but certain things, i'd rather not help coz i did help a 'friend' once and it backfired. from that moment onwards, i leaned a lesson not to meddle with people's problems especially marital. but this friend of mine kept calling to tell me her side of stories. trying to be a good friend, i listened but so far, i havent given any suggestions on what she should do. to tell the truth, if i were in her position , i would immediately know what to do but somehow, i juz kept quiet. i dont want to be the one who's responsible in influencing her decision. i dont think she's stable mentally at the moment. not to say that she's a loonie but she may have so many things on her mind rite now that she might not make a good and wise judgement.
here is the question...am i not being a good friend for not helping her whole-heartedly?
i would like to help but what would happen if she took my advice and things turned from bad to worse? i'm not gonna take any chances...
before we said goobye, she begged me to tell her everything if anything arises. i didnt promise anything though i value the friendship that we have. but some things are better left unsaid. i'm doing this in good faith and i think it's for the best of both parties. knowing her other half and his circle of friends, i'd rather stay away as far as possible. i was never in their good books and i juz dont want history to repeat itself.

clueless

i juz ordered a princess barbie cake for my daughter. unlike last year, i dont know the location for this year's party. not yet...it could be at burger king or somewhere else. burger king for the air-conditioned room and convenience while it's gonna be damn hot if i chose to have a bbq party. last year was the first time i held a party for rania and i was more excited than her! i prepared goodie bags for little kids and since i've ordered too much food, some guests were forced to 'tapau'. speaking of goodie bags, i couldnt recall receiving any before but after rania's bday party, i got to know one person who kinda did the same thing. me, the trend-setter...hehe
mum did the same thing when i was in my primary-schooling years. and that was in seremban. i had so many fond memories when i was in seremban. too bad the house that i grew up in was sold recently.
as for my little girl's party, i would love to organize a memorable one for her but it all depends on the budget.

a great documentary

what a nice long weekend i had.
not that i did something extravaganza but to be able to rest and wake up late were the center of my happiness. of course there were some laundry to be done, some cleaning and mopping but it was okay since i didnt have any agenda scheduled for the weekend. only on saturday evening, we went to visit my sick grandma at selayang hospital. after maghrib, off we went to search for fine-dining dinner. couldnt decide on what to eat, the driver (my dad) decided to go for japanese. urgh! i never liked japanese food! me and mum gave a big sigh but since i was only 'menumpang', i didnt see the need to complain. my sis went crazy over the food while me, mum and rania settled for japanese fried rice. it was nice but a bit pricey for a small bowl.
my dad allowed us to have dessert but the only thing on the menu was green tea ice-cream. hhmmmm...
i told hubby about the japanese experience and we shared the same sentiment. this came from somebody who worked in japan for a year. i wonder how did he cope when it comes to food then...
and that same night, we watched a documentary cum movie on tv2. it was about 2 young pakistanis who wanted to go to london to find work. without having enuf money and not having passports, they had to travel by road. it was their journey that captivated us. imagine having to travel by bus and trucks for almost 2 months juz to reach turkey. they almost failed but they persevered and kept on going. from turkey, these 2 boys were on a big lorry and in order to reach italy, they have to be on a ship. they stayed in the stuffed lorry for 40 hours without any meals or drinks and no proper ventilation. until one of them turned hysterical and by the time someone opened the door for them, one of them didnt make it. he died for nothing. in the same lorry, there was this one family with a baby and rescuers had to pull the baby from a breastfeeding position. the parents didnt make it too. who's going to take care of the baby?
the surviving boy continued his journey to london by lying down on a thin wood which was placed under a 16-wheeler. well, the boy got to stay in london for 2 years before being deported.
arent we all lucky to be where we are today?