reminiscing old memories

i dont know that many ppl in my office but what i know is that as long as i dont disturb anybody or have any grudges against anybody, i'll be fine. i will only greet those whom i know and whom i like. during my secondary school days, i wasnt among the most-liked ppl. i was used of being boycotted by my own peers. dont waste time mentioning about seniors coz they never have liked me. i went to a boarding school so for 5 miserable years, i suffered in silence. that's the place where i learned how to survive as a loner. it was a heartbreaking experience but i persevered. i've been backstabbed many times but the number 1 'backstabbing experience' i've encountered was when i was in my final year. a good friend whom i trusted very much ended up being my number 1 enemy. she scrawled bad things and labelled me with such an obscene name all over the school toilet. i cant remember who actually revealed to me that the person on the wall was me but i remembered crying in shock and wondering how could she ever done this to me. i confronted her and she was so cool about it, acting like it wasnt even a sinful thing to do. until the end, she never showed that she was remorseful of what she's done and that was when i started asking myself, what was it with me that ppl tend to dislike me so very much. was it my face? was it my attitude? i couldnt figure it out. i didnt have any ill-feeling towards her but i remembered praying very hard, asking God to punish whomever made me feel so vulnerable. time passed by and 6 years later, i heard that she wasnt doing very well. i dont know whether she completed her studies or not but she stayed at her hometown, doing nothing. and from where we came from, holding good jobs are a must to some. and until now, some still told me her ongoings but i dont care anymore. what i know is that i'm doing fine while she's not. i'm not being cruel or nasty but there's no way ppl would understand what i've been thru unless they went thru the same thing i did.
it's the same thing when i did my diploma but i was already an expert in mantaining my poker-face. a bunch of seniors hated me so much that they tried to do all sorts of unimaginable things juz to watch me shedding a tear. again, i didnt hold any grudges. what's the point? no one will back me up, nway. i was a loner and to them i was juz one weird kid. when i did my degree, i heard that the most brutal one in the gang was killed in a car accident.
along the way, my confidence was built-up by being a loner. believing in God definitely helps me in a tremendous way. this is to a friend of mine who never fails to pick up my calls no matter who i was and what i have become today. u know who u are...