emptiness

sometimes i juz wished that i have more time to be alone so that i can finish reading my book or watch dvds or juz lazing around, taking my own sweet time to nap or not to nap. but when the opportunity arises, i was paralysed. last nite, rania slept very early (so unlike her) and we were still at my mum's place. omar was sleeping too. i waited until 9pm and nobody woke up. so, i decided that i'll go home carrying omar only and decided to leave rania with mum. thot that maybe omar will wake up when we reached home. but no, he continued sleeping. that's when i discovered that i have the house to myself and this is what i wanted actually. but then, the house was quiet...no sound of rania talking non-stop, no questions were being asked, no running here and there and definitely no 'mummy, mummy'. then i realised that i can never adjust myself from being a 'multi-tasking mother' to 'sit-still or lie-down' mum. i missed her presence...
mum was planning to bring her to spore next week to visit my dad. i agreed but since last nite's discovery, i dont think i would want to part with her ever again. i could follow if i want to but...omar takde pasport la pulak...